Feeling down

I feel depressed today. It has been a blah day. K has been in Atlanta and I have been alone for two days. It is not unusual for me to be alone during the day it is the 24 hr thing that gets me. Since I don't work and all my friends do it is hard to have someone to do something with during the day time. Most women in my neighborhood who don't work are either retired or mothers. I just don't feel the need to make friends with women that at this time I would either envy or criticize everything they do. Wondering the whole time why she is a mom and I am not. I don't feel like that is a good friend or even casual acquaintance. I have let my infertility isolate me. Most of that is self preservation. I would rather be home alone then be out in the world surrounded by happy and unhappy fertile people. It seems to smother me with the fertile world closing in. Everything I see reminds me of my infertility. I feel it when I am at home but it is not as bad or flaunting in my face.