2nd Beta

My 2nd beta was 152! I was really nervous about it and am relieved to know it is good.

Right now my first appointment and u/s are on June 16. When I called K about it he said he wasn't at a calendar but thought that would be when he was in China. I knew he was going but I thought it was later. I am really upset that he is even going during that time because I have never made it past 8 weeks. What if something happens while he is gone? I know he doesn't have a choice because they are having considerable issues with the company that builds our scaffold. I really wish that my brother would start going so it is not always my husband traveling over there. Clint and his wife are such germaphobes that he won't go. He doesn't say that is the reason but I know it is. He won't even let K or my dad near his daughter after they have been over there. So weird.

O.K. enough complaining I am just upset and worried.

Beta and P4 results

Beta is 62 at 13 dpo. My progesterone is at 32.6 without supplements. I started progesterone last night as a precaution though. I go back tomorrow for repeat beta and will get those results Friday. I am so happy the numbers are good.

I have another migraine. It started on Monday. Since I can stay in bed I have not taken a Maxalt which is pregnancy category C. If it last much longer I may not have a choice.

I held out!

I tested this morning. Of course I woke up at 5:00 which is way way early for me and tested. It was positive! I am very excited and very happy.

I have left a message at the RE. Not sure if they are open today or not. I wanted to know when to come in for a beta and also about taking progesterone. I have refills from last time but will probably wait to fill it until I hear from them.

This time I plan on being more positive. With the last pregnancy I was very negative and didn't have a good feeling the whole time. I think everything had taken a toll and I wasn't completely ready from the loss.

Thank you ladies for all your support this weekend!

Ugh! The waiting!

I don't know how I handled the TWW last summer. I was fine until yesterday when I had a migraine. It really bothered me because I always get a migraine before my period. I just kept telling myself it could me a drop or an increase in hormones. It wasn't a bad migraine because it went away without me taking maxalt. I called the RE and they said it would be o.k. for me to take it since I wouldn't be doing it on a continuous basis. If it got unbearable or was still there today I would have. So I am taking that as a good sign.

All day yesterday I wanted to test. It was the first thing I thought of this morning. I haven't tested because I know it is still early. I am cramping though so I took my temp. to see if it was dropping and it was 98.22. So that is good. I don't normally cramp before my period. With my last BFP I cramped and felt like my period would start any moment. So I am trying to remind myself of that.

I just don't remember obsessing this bad last summer. I think after the first month I kinda lost hope so I didn't obsess. I am trying to stay positive about the hole thing. I am trying to hold off until Monday to test. That will be 12 dpo. I hope I can hold out.

Sanibel

Well the wedding is over. It was very beautiful. Lee seems like a nice genuine guy. I could not be happier for Jessica. We arrived in Sanibel around 2:00 on Friday. I was debating up until I got there whether I wanted to drink or not. Not because I thought it would affect the baby if I am pregnant. I know that isn't true before a positive test. I just didn't want anything to effect actually getting pregnant. But as soon as I saw Sylvia (stepMIL) I knew I would have some drinks. I just didn't over do it.

Usually I slowly get my skin used to being in the sun when spring/summer gets here. I have fair skin but if I plan well I won't burn. Middle Tennessee has had a great spring but it has been too cold to sit in the sun. So my skin was in shock. I put sunscreen on so I did not get burned. My chest and upper arms have a sun rash though. I did not expect that because usually I get a rash after a week or more of continuous sun activities. Also the no-see-ums were awful. I even had bug spray on but I am covered in bites. So right now I have calamine lotion all over. I have been to the beach plenty of times but have never noticed the no-see-ums. It really is a turn off for me wanting to return to Sanibel.

I took a test this AM to see if the trigger shot was out of my system. It is. The weird thing is that my heart hurt when the test came up negative. I know it being positive now would be a false positive but for some reason it hurt to see it. I am not sure yet when I will test for real.

Here are some pics:

Bride and Groom


Me, K, Uncle Bob, FIL, K's adopted brother


Revenge for what they did to our car. Two down, two to go.

First TWW in 7 months

I am not sure how I am going to handle it. These are the times when I really wish I was working to help pass the time and help me not obsess. I remember being very depressed last summer during my TWW. I just don't want that to happen. I have been doing well emotionally lately and have also been doing well on my diet. As long as I can keep my spirits up I don't drink too much, eat too much and not exercise. I just have to remember that being overweight may not be an issue in everyone's fertility but because I have PCOS it is for me. My diet and exercise are part of my fertility treatment as far as I am concerned.

I just need to keep busy. This weekend we will be at K's nieces wedding so that will help pass some of the time. I also have to start scraping paint on the trim in the hallway, living room and dinning room. The people who owned our house before us did not primer over oil paint so it peels. It is a lot of work but I just can't paint over it like it is. So that should keep me busy.

Today's Ultrasound

Well I didn't have a positive opk over the weekend so I did my u/s today. I didn't ovulate yesterday like they thought. I really didn't think I would because I have only ovulated on CD 15 once on clomid the rest have been around CD 17. But they put it in my head so I thought they might know somewhat better then me. So I worried over nothing. I had two follies that grew one was 20x19 and the other was 19x14. I did get to do the trigger shot today. It is something different and has given me a little more hope. Mostly I try and stay away from hope because it sets me up for a fall. But this month I decided to let myself hope. Not too much because I am working on living in the "now".

I got tagged!

4 things I did 10 years ago:

1. I was doing my social work internships at NHC Nursing Home and Wave's Inc. I always thought I would work with the elderly and that had been my main focus until my internship at Wave's. I decided that I loved working with individuals with developmental disabilities. That became my social work focus.

2. In December that year I finally graduated from college. It took me forever to figure out what I wanted a degree in. After changing it several times, dropping out to work for a while I decided on Social Work. It took me forever to figure it out but I was meant to be a social worker.

3. I got engaged!!!!

4. My migraines that had been gone since puberty came back with a vengeance. After many test I found at that one of the causes of my migraines was mild narcolepsy. Finding out about the narcolepsy put a lot of issues I had in perspective. Especially the non stop dreaming which were often nightmares and the night hallucinations.

4 things I did 5 years ago:

1. I went to China for the first time. We spent two weeks there. Since we do business there and know people in China I got to do some very unique things. It was during their Moon Festival. I got to have a Moon Festival dinner over at someones home. I never in my dreams thought life would take me to China.

2. I started co-chairing group therapy with staff and clients at my job. It was incorporating Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Learning DBT was a new turn for me and helped me deal with a lot of past issues that still haunted me. It also made me change my mind about getting my master's degree. I haven't yet because there isn't one close. My university MTSU is finally getting the MSW program and I will be able to finally go.

3. I went white water rafting for the first time. Several of my friends from college and I went down the Ocoee. We asked for the craziest guide they had and had one heck of a ride. It was so much fun.

4. I realized how short life is when one of my brothers was almost killed in an accident. He was pulling a trailer that was hooked up by someone else. He did not double check it and it was not on right. It flipped his truck and he needed to be life flighted to Vanderbilt. I decided it was time to quit ignoring my family and build relationships with them again.

4 Shows I love to watch:

1. Lost
2. Ghost Hunters
3. Intervention
4. CSI Las Vegas

4 Things I did yesterday:

1. I had my follie check ultrasound.

2. I bought sheets that did not fit my bed. It was worth a shot though 1000 tk on sale for 60.00. So now they will be returned.

3. I worked out at Curves.

4. I blew my workout and ate dinner at Olive Garden.

4 Things that make me happy:

1. My husband. We have been together 11 years and married for 8.

2. My beagle and my three black cats. They bring such joy. I would be lonely without them.

3. My hobby of metal work and jewelry making.

4. A nice cool fall day when the leaves are turned and falling.

Now I have to tag four people. Adrianne, Heather, Donna, Jen

My Ultrasound

My appointment that I made for tomorrow got bumped to today because Saturdays are reserved for IVF patients. I understand that IVF patients should take priority because there is a lot more involved then what I am doing. But I am a little upset because I knew it would be too early and after all I am trying to get pregnant also. I had 1 follie 15x15 on my right ovary and 4 follies on my left. They were 15x9, and 3 were 11x11. They feel I will probably ovulate on Sunday so I did not get a trigger shot today. If I haven't had a positive opk by Sunday I will go back for another u/s on Monday and see what happens. I am happy with the follies though just disappointed about the trigger shot. I am not counting myself out yet.

Prayer

I am not a religious person. I don't attend church or read the bible. The church I attended growing up was Church of Christ. When I was in 5th grade my father got involved with a business partner that committed fraud. I don't know all the particulars but I was told dad had no idea. I will never know the full truth and don't really want to. The trial went on for years and when I was in 8th grade my father was sent to federal prison where he stayed for two years. My mother had never worked a day since she got married. She still had me and my brother living at home to support. When my mother went to the church for financial aid they would not help her because of the circumstances. Confidentiality was broken and everyone found out a very private matter. It really changed how people reacted towards our family. I have felt that you help people who are in need regardless of the circumstances. People should have unconditional positive regard for other people. We all know that 13 is not easy and this made it worse. It left a bad taste in my mouth for Church in general. I have not been to church since I was 17.

My point is that although I am not religious I believe in God, the power of prayer and positive energy. There have been studies that show that people who are sick when prayed for recover more so then people who aren't prayed for. If I need to be prayed for I will seek it from family and friends. My family and friends know that they can seek prayer from me.

Today I was working out at Curves. There is another women who works out at the same time I do. We have spoken during our workouts. It helps pass the time. We were talking about all the houses being built. I had mentioned that we were remodeling our home so we can put it on the market in two years because of the growth in our neighborhood. She then asked if I had kids because it is hard on them to transfer schools. I said no but trying with no luck. She said it was in God's hands. I told her God and my doctor. So we started talking about my journey. I have mentioned that I don't mind talking about my infertility. She has two children but had two miscarriages. Well I ended my workout and went to do stretches. She then came up to me and asked if she could pray for me. I told her of course. It really touched me because out of all the people that are acquaintances I have told, no one has asked to pray for me.