Post Op Appointment

I had my post op from my D & C today. Everything was fine with me. I had what I thought was a period last weekend which had never happened with my other two D & C. Dr. Abby said it was probably just a drop in hormones releasing the blood not to worry.

I have been debating since this happened whether I wanted to know the gender of the baby. For some reason I felt that knowing would make it even more real and therefore harder for me to cope. In the end I decided it might help me bring some closure.

The loss was caused by Trisomy 16 and was a boy. It is somewhat of a relief to know that the miscarriage was caused by an abnormality. At least I know that for this loss it wasn't my body killing my baby. It makes the decision to try again easier. I am still undecided but am leaning on giving TTC another shot. I only have to wait one cycle if I do try again so at least there isn't a two cycle wait like with my previous ones. Different doctor different rules on that I guess. She also said that it is extremely rare for it to happen more then once and does not think my other two were caused by it. She does not want to do genetic testing with me or K at this time. So of course it is another lets wait and see if it happens again.

I am sad either way about the gender. When we first started trying we both thought it would be neat to have a boy because K's brother and sister have 4 girls each. So it is a little bitter sweet. Of course we could care less now. All we want is a healthy baby. It does make it more real but I am not as upset as I thought I would be.

We had a great trip to Vegas. I was doing really well masking my feelings. Putting on a good show since most of K's family was there. K's sister lives in Vegas so we hardly ever talk to her. I found out the day before our big family dinner that her 21 year old is accidentally pregnant. I think she is purposely accidentally pregnant because she is insecure in her relationship. Anyway I had a day to prepare to mask my feelings better. The first place I was sitting at dinner was to close to where she would be so I got up and moved. Her little sister is of course excited big sis is pregnant and she has the u/s pic in her hand. I am sitting at the far end of 13 people from her. Of course I am the person she decides to run up to and show it to first. I flipped out practically yelled I don't want to see that got up running to the bathroom. It ruined my last evening in Vegas. I was fighting back the tears the whole time and haven't been the same since. It was like a slap in the face how unfair all of this is. Stupid young adult child who has no business being pregnant.