Still Here

Can't believe it has been so long since I posted or read any blogs! I am sorry and have a lot of catching up to do.

I had a very hard time after the miscarriage. I started having generalized anxiety and insomnia. I was constantly worried that something was going to happen to me, K or one of the furbabies. I would get myself so worked up I couldn't sleep or want to leave the house. K and I were often walking around the neighborhood with the beagle at 10:00 at night to try and help calm me down. I have always worried about things that are huge events in my life. But I am generally very laid back about normal daily activities. So this was a huge change for me and very scary. K was extremely worried about me. I am sure it being the holidays and me not meeting with my therapist during that time didn't help. Also everything seemed to be going wrong. I had to have a previous root canal retreated the Monday after the d&c which was worse then the first one. I also had an incident with chest pains a few days before Christmas. I was afraid to go to sleep. The next day I did go to the doctor. After the normal ekg and chest xray she told me it was probably costochondritis. A swelling of the ligament that connects the rib bone and the chest bone. I am sure that all that added to my constant worry something bad was going to happen. The ambien I got to sleep did not help especially if I was feeling anxious.

K of course mentioned all this to the RE at our follow up. Dr. E called a psychiatric ER to see what they would do. Since she did not feel I needed to be admitted there was nothing they could have done. She did not feel comfortable prescribing me anything and recommended I go see my general practitioner the next day. She did call my GP and explain my situation. He put me on Zoloft. I am also on a different medication for the insomnia which I will only be on a couple more weeks. It seems to be working. I have had one incident of anxiety in the past two weeks. That was when Autumn my 16 year old cat went out when it was 10 degrees out. I saw her go out and thought she would come right back in. About 30 minutes later I realized she hadn't come in. So I went looking for her. She was laying in the sun and was warm to touch silly girl. I think that anxiety was justified though. Anyway I am seeing my therapist regularly and we agree that 3 weeks was to long to go between appointments for now. I have also started back at Curves and walking everyday. I feel that has made a huge difference and hopefully I won't need the zoloft for more then 4 to 6 months. The doctor said that it needed to be at least 4 months or risk the anxiety coming back.

The genetic testing on the baby was another trisomy 16. The baby was a girl. K and I have made an appointment with a geneticist on 2/9. It really depends on what they say as to what our next steps are. It will probably be IVF with PGD. I haven't made a decision yet. My mindset is so negative right now that I know it is not the right time to decide. I am just going to see what the geneticist says.

I am off to Vegas for 10 days. I promise to catch up with everyone when I return.