First post

I have recently been reading women’s blogs who are struggling with infertility. I have kept a journal since my early 20's. It has always been a place for me to place my thoughts and make since out of life. It has been validating to read other women's blogs who are struggling with fertility issues. I decided that it was time to try online journal

A little about myself. My husband and I have been married 8 years. We have one dog a beagle and three black cats. I have my degree in social work. I worked as a case manager for adults with disabilities for six years. I loved it and miss it. I suffer from severe migraines and have mild narcolepsy. I was on a considerable amount of medication for 8 years for both. I needed to stop them to TTC. Since I did not know how my body would react to not taking the medications I quit my job. I felt it would not be fair to my employer or my clients to not be at my best. At the time I thought I would get pregnant and return to work within a year or year and a half. I soon learned that getting pregnant would not be as easy as having sex at the appropriate time of the month as I was told. I soon found out that I had PCOS. It was devastating but gave me some hope at the time. At least there was something I could do to help. I immediately started trying to loose the 40 pounds I had gained in 3 months due to the PCOS and started metformin. I was doing really well and being very proactive about getting pregnant. I had a lap which found mild endo on my left ovary. The cycle after my lap I started 50 mg of clomid and got my first BFP. I was elated and could not stop smiling. I just knew that not getting pregnant was going to be my struggle. No way would life give me a miscarriage to deal with. I was wrong. At 8 weeks I started spotting and within a few days had lost all pregnancy symptoms. I started cramping badly and went to the ER. I was having a miscarriage. I went through a week of betas and ultrasound to make sure before I had a d & c. I was devastated. Life gave me miscarriage too. How was I going to make it? It was the lowest point in my life. How was I going to pull myself out of this? The doctor said to wait 3 cycles. 3 cycles at the time was an eternity. Since I had to take clomid I had no choice. I cried every day for 3 cycles. If only I could get pregnant again it would be better. 3rd cycle came and I tried again. BFN went up to 100 milligrams of clomid the next cycle BFN, tried another 100 mg cycle BFN, went up to 150 milligrams BFP. This time I felt different. I wasn't excited. I was scared to death of another miscarriage. I tried to be positive it was very hard. It was common to have one loss I kept telling myself. I won't have another. This will be a healthy pregnancy. Around 7 weeks my breasts were no longer hurting and I was no longer hungry all the time. I knew it had happened again. I had to go through the week of betas and ultrasounds just to tell me what I all ready knew. I did another d & c. I just wanted it to end. This is all so unfair. I did the RPL testing and it was all negative. I soon found out my thyroid which has been hypo was hyper. It turns out to be a multi nodular goiter. I went through the test and had a biopsy. For now my thyroid is functioning normal and I don't need medication. I went back to the RE after that and had the clomid challenge and a saline sonogram. The clomid challenge was normal. I was so worried about early menopause but it is not the case. The sonogram showed a polyp which I had removed on April 8th. I go in two weeks for a post op and find out what my treatment is for next cycle.

A link to my chart and fertility history